


I will always love you

by yoonae1311



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Best Friends Choi Beomgyu & Kang Taehyun, Childhood Friends, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Light Angst, Love, M/M, Post-Break Up, anyways it's really just a love story, but the cheating has quotation marks, there's still love in the air
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:14:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27243259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yoonae1311/pseuds/yoonae1311
Summary: It's been 5 years since they lost contact with each other. 5 years of recovering, reflection and thinking. Taehyun thinks he finally understands why they broke up after all, so he writes Beomgyu a letter to tell him he really understands now.orTaehyun will always love Beomgyu, and he hopes Beomgyu will too.
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun
Comments: 10
Kudos: 19





	1. One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taehyun writes to Beomgyu.

28 October 2025

Dear Beomgyu,

  
This letter is overdue, isn’t it? I think I owe you this one. Can you believe it’s been 5 years since we broke up? Looks like I took a little too long to just think about life, and get my life together. Honestly, it’s still all over the place, but you get what I mean! I think I’m somewhat at a better position than when we first broke up.

Can you blame me though? Not saying you are to blame, of course. I’d gotten so used to living life together with you that I forgot all about independence, and at one point of time, I think I was so convinced that you were going to be my side for a long, long time. That’s why I was all over the place, and honestly, it was a good lesson. I had taken you for granted – Your love, care, support, and companion. That’s why we fell apart, isn’t it?

My hands still shake when it comes to you. Hell, I’m shaking as I write this letter to you. We grew up together as neighbours, just hanging out at each other’s house the whole afternoon that slowly extended to the late nights as we grew up. I can’t recall very well when exactly our platonic feelings for each other suddenly turned into romantic ones, but I think it was and still is a beautiful feeling. Remember that time when my hands kept shaking when you wanted me to sing while you play the guitar? I was so nervous. You gripped my hands then, enveloping me in a kind of warmth I don’t think I can find anything to replicate it. My heart and my whole being calmed down instantly, but I don’t think you need to know that anyways. I know you know me well. You knew you always had that effect on me, and I must say, you always did an amazing job in helping me feel better.

Thinking back, when we got into a relationship, it was like a best friend to lovers’ kind of transition. It really took me a while to realise that we were boyfriends until the people around us started knowing about our relationship and chiding us to do things couples do.

Actually, hadn’t we already done many of such things before even getting together? I kissed you when you were 6 and I was 5, and I don’t have the actual memory of that, but I have video proof! We’ve also always been holding hands growing up, so what was new?

Personally, I think the promise of together was new to me. It wasn’t the hot make-out sessions or the fluttering hand-holding or the cuddles that was felt new to me (although I very much loved them thank you very much), it was the promise of us for a long time to go. We knew at the back of our minds that we were absolutely cowards when it came to commitment, yet we still went with it – the falling in love, the getting together, the dating and the loving. I don’t regret it, but it resulted in such a disaster, didn’t it?

We were so in love then, we thought we could overcome our fears, face our fears together, but we ended up fighting these battles alone. We were always together, but so wounded. We couldn’t feel the pain because we were always together. You had always been the anaesthetic to the pain I felt. I know we felt so happy just because we could be together.

So, when I found out you ‘cheated’ on me, I suddenly felt like I was all alone again, so all the pain washed over me, and I didn’t know what to do because we had always been making decisions together. I thought, maybe I misunderstood. Maybe, just maybe, he’s just a friend that likes to flirt around.

Except you flirted back.

Now that was what really got me uncomfortable. But I still took it lightly, still thought, maybe I could have really misunderstood. Maybe it’s just a joke. Maybe it’s just humour I don’t understand. When you started spending lesser time with me though, I couldn’t help but feel like my hypotheses were true to the core. When my hypotheses became a statement when I saw you kiss him, all hell broke loose in my heart.

You said sorry. It was sincere, I really could feel it. I know you and I can see through you easily. That apology was heartfelt and desperate as if you wished you didn’t hurt me that way. I accepted it like I always do, but that apology scarred me. That’s because you apologised not for cheating on me, but for being caught.

We broke up soon after that. 5 years ago, I would have thought that we broke up because you betrayed me, cheated on me and didn’t love me anymore. But 5 years was what I needed to realise things weren’t as superficial as I thought they were. We put our love story on a full stop at that time because of much deeper reasons, not merely just because of you ‘cheating’.

I scared you, didn’t I?

You were scared because you were happy. You were scared because I was happy because of you, and you were scared you wouldn’t be able to continue making me happy. That’s why you decided to let go of me. You wouldn’t be wrong to think that way. I know because I realised that I had the same fear as well, except I was too stubborn to try and fix it. You let me go so we could escape limitations, enter a bigger world, and live through more experiences.

Did you wonder why I used quotation marks whenever I said you ‘cheated’? That’s because I found out you didn’t cheat on me. I was adamant then, 5 years ago, that you had fallen head over heels for someone who was not me. Yet, after we broke up, I received no news of you being happier with someone new.

I thought you were just trying to lay low so people won’t find out that you are a cheater, but it’s really nothing like that. I was really convinced then, 5 years ago, because of your kisses and dates with him. But I know you, you love your partner, and you really show him off to show that you love him to death, and I am living proof that has once experienced it. Through these 5 years, I learnt that even cheaters fall in love, even though in the worst of all conditions, and involving a lot of heartbreaks. So why hadn’t even your brother heard of you finding someone new?

That was when I realised it was all part of your plan, and although not flawless (like, no need to cheat to break up -.-), had been effective in achieving what you were targeting for, which was for us to break up, and go on our own paths that were assumably better. Fear is limitless, and it really exerted its all when it came to us. But after 5 years, I finally know, that it was love at the wrong timing. We were in love, there’s no doubt, but we fell in love at the time when we were both at our worsts, secretly self-destructive and insecure. That eventually came to break us up. You did everything because you loved me.

If you ask me, do I still love you? I have a comprehensive answer to that.

I love you, although i’m not sure if it’s romantic. In fact, I’ll always love you. I love you to the moon and back, and infinity times of that. You’ve always been my best friend, my soulmate, and everything in between. We fell apart, but we once fell in love, and that is something I’ll never regret. I’m sorry this letter took such a long time, but I hope it brings comfort to you. I’m sorry for leaving then, for making you the only guilty person when it was really both of us at our worsts. All these years have passed and I really want to say that I’m at a better place, and I really hope you are too.

A part of my heart will always belong to you.  
I hope that one day when we both have finally found our sense of identity, feel secure about ourselves and have the confidence and capability to love ourselves and the world, we can meet again.

I will always be waiting for you.

Love,  
Taehyun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what do you think of this so far? <3


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something special came.

The night grew quiet. It was just not too long ago when the trains were packed with passengers and the streets were filled with people rushing to get home from work. Now the city was quiet and settled. Taehyun walked, at a pace slow but not so agonizingly so. He wore a long brown coat that screamed autumn and cold nights, with his left hand tightly wrapped around the handle of his laptop bag and his other hand tucked in the pocket of his coat.

With music in his ears, Taehyun fell into deep thought. _How’s Beomgyu? Has he read my letter?_ He scoffed with a smile on his face. It was funny that after so long, what was really still going to be on his mind the whole time was still going to be Beomgyu.

He turned to his right, where a few cars were dashing past him. He was walking along one of the bridges along the Han River, where a few more minutes of walking would bring him home. Beomgyu always liked cars, and driving for that matter. He remembered when he once bought him the remote-controlled BMW i8 toy car on the last birthday he celebrated it with him, Beomgyu loved it. He peppered Taehyun’s whole face with kisses once he realised what he had bought for him, with a big smile on his face. He couldn’t even stop playing with it after school! Taehyun remembered having to drag Beomgyu, who had the remote tightly clutched in his hands, out of his room just to have dinner.

Those were good times, Taehyun thought. He looked in front of him, his legs have brought him right in front of his apartment building. He’s 24 going 25 now, he now has his own apartment, a good job that he enjoys and earns him a good income, more than enough to get by. _My life is perfect enough_ , he convinces himself, ignoring the empty feeling in his heart that he can’t explain.

Taehyun walked to the corner of the apartment lobby with the letterboxes. Ever since he posted the letter to Beomgyu, he checked his letterbox every day after work, even on his off days, and on the weekends when he has no work. 2 months have passed, way more than enough time to receive a letter, write back and post it. At that rate, the possibility of Beomgyu writing back was nearer to 0 than 1. He still checks them though, because just in case, Beomgyu writes back. It was the “just in case” that kept Taehyun going.

 _How’s Beomgyu doing? Does he have his own apartment like how he does? What is Beomgyu working as? Is he doing music? Has he met someone new? Has he gotten married?_ Taehyun’s thoughts keep flooding.

He fiddles with the bunch of keys he took out from his pocket and pulls out the one for the letterbox. He opens it and for a moment he thinks that his own letterbox is not his, because there’s a letter that stands out among all of the letters and adverts. It’s not the bill, neither is it a letter for work, but it is a letter with “For Taehyun” written neatly on the envelope with Beomgyu’s handwriting, placed on the very top of the pile. Taehyun can recognise it. It’s still the same.  
Taehyun pulls all the contents out of the letterbox and shoves them all into his laptop bag. He’s not mentally prepared to read any of the letters yet, especially Beomgyu’s letter, despite it being already 2 months anticipating a response.

Taehyun sighs. He’s supposed to be excited. He closes the letterbox and heads for the lift. Just as the lift doors were about to close, a hand stops the door and they open again. A bright and pretty face shows, it’s Kai. In the past 2 years since Taehyun moved into this apartment, Kai has been the only constant in his life - not only as a neighbour but also a close friend. Upon seeing Kai, Taehyun smiles in comfort.

“Oh, Taehyun!! Just got back from work?” He walks in and presses the lift buttons to close the doors, beaming a smile to Taehyun.

“Yeah!! You too?” Taehyun nods.

“Yep!! Any luck today with the letter?” Kai questions.

“Yes… He wrote back, and I just got the letter from the letterbox.”

“Why do you look so stressed out though?”

“It’s because I don’t know what to expect.”

“You don’t have to expect anything! Just read the letter with a light mind. Remember, you know Beomgyu the best.”

“But it’s been 5 years. So much could’ve changed. What makes you think that way?” Taehyun sighs.

The elevator dings. It reaches level 13. They both step out and walk towards their apartments that are side by side.

“You know… He showed his 100% to you, that was his raw-self. How can one’s raw-self change so easily?” Kai smiles. “Oh!! By the way, I managed to get Yeonjun’s number!!” he continues, giggling as he opens his apartment door and steps in.

“Bye!!” Kai closes the door before Taehyun could speak a word.

Taehyun chuckles at the comedic scene and takes in Kai’s words. Of course, the 19 years of growing together were not nothing. They saw each other at their worst and best. He knows Beomgyu very well. That’s not nothing. There’s nothing for him to fear regarding the letter.

He steps into his apartment and turns on the light. It’s empty, as always. There is no one day he doesn’t wish he was back at Beomgyu’s family house, where there was Beomgyu, and there was a “Beomgyu and Taehyun”

He’s gotten used to it now.

He places his laptop bag on the coffee table in the living room and takes a warm shower, putting some music on to relax. When he gets out, he puts on comfortable sleepwear, makes hot chocolate, and settles on his couch. He opens his laptop bag, taking out all the envelopes and ads, and sorts them out.

He reads all the bills and letters for work first, saving Beomgyu’s envelopes for the last. All is routine, except for Beomgyu’s letter. He pretends not to notice that he reads the other letters slower so that he can read Beomgyu’s letter later.

He’s the best at avoiding his own problems, unfortunately.

In no time, all the other letters are read and its only Beomgyu’s letter that must be read. He takes it in his hands, and for a while, Taehyun just stares at his Beomgyu’s handwriting. It has been so long since he has seen it. It’s gotten neater, written with more control and metallic ink.

Finally, he opens the letter:

30 November 2025

Hey Taehyun,

I received your letter on the 13th of November, but I was too hesitant to read it. I was too scared of what you’d say, even though I didn’t know what you would say to me after all these years. What could one say to an ex that cheated on him or her? But I’m really happy to hear that you’re somewhat in a better place right now though because after what you have gone through, I really hope you have all of the best.

I guess you’ve found out about everything. I’m not proud of what I’ve done, but I must say that I’m impressed that you saw right through me. After all, you really know me best, more than I even know me. 5 years ago I thought that was the smartest thing to do, and that I was saving us two from more heartbreak. I don’t know what got over me. I was really scared, but I loved you more.

I was always a sad boy, but you made me realise that I didn’t always have to be sad. With you, I knew I was set for life. Whenever we ate together, laughed together or even played games at the arcade together, I felt my happiest. Whenever we made out, held hands, or cuddled together to sleep, I always felt so fully healed, so deep in love with you that I was so content with life.

In your letter, you talked as if you were always on the receiving end, but you have to give credit for whatever you’ve done for me too! Whenever I felt low, you always came to give me a back hug. You may think it’s nothing, but I needed it so much. It always felt like the only source of warmth available in the cold I felt in me. You always reminded me not to overthink, because you knew how scary my overthinking was. You always kept me grounded, mentally sane and strong.

When we broke up, I felt like I lost a piece of myself. Life without you for me took a little too much time for me to get used too. I forgot how to live. You could say I lost the determination to live, and I took quite some time to find some again. Just like what you said, you became dependent on me, so did I. I thrived off you and you were all I needed to be happy. Our love fuelled me. You fuelled me.

Actually, I don’t have anything proud of myself to share with you through this letter, but I want to tell you that I still love you too. If you ever asked me the same question, if I still love you, I would answer that I still love you with all my heart. It may be a little selfish of me, but whatever you left behind for me – all the photographs, videos and gifts, were what got me through the lowest points of my life for the past 5 years. I haven’t asked myself if I still love you romantically, so this will be my answer for now.

The past 5 years have been a lonely fight for us both, it’s not rocket science (You’d start teasing me about my grades here, I just know it! >.<)! It’s been 5 years of learning about ourselves, struggling alone, and building something for ourselves. We’re now, assumably, leading very different lives in the heart of Seoul, but let’s meet again.

With Love,  
Beomgyu

It only took this handwritten letter from Beomgyu for Taehyun to put down his strong façade, then smile and cry at the same time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did you find this chapter?


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